This is a post that I started writing and left as draft, the time delays indicate the events that unfolded as they did…
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It’s been a while, I know.
The start of this year has seen me really take stock of where I’m at and consider closely how I spend my time and efforts and what I want out of life.
I think there have been a few precipitating factors for this analysis of life.
Christmas Time…
It started, I think, with the Christmas break. Leading up to Christmas I had been quite focused, organised and determined to keep all of my ‘balls in the air’. Our Christmas break saw me put all the balls down for a minute and just live and have fun with my family – a good reminder of what life is about. As a result of this I decided to evaluate all that I had been working on and make some hard decisions about reducing the amount of projects I have been trying to complete concurrently.
The IM Makeover…
I started the IM Makeover with Michelle Macphearson and although I am still stuck on day 1 as I try to document all of my projects and the associated numbers, this execise has been invaluable in helping me work out what is worth my time. (IM Makeover, by the way, is brilliant. I love Michelle’s work in general, she seems like a straight to the point, no BS sort of girl, which is something that I love.
Although I now have a picture, well a spreadsheet, of what my online business looks like, I still had not committed to drastically reducing the number of active projects.
Major operations…
Next up, my mum has a major operation and I had to stop working, leave my home and family and go to look after my mum for a week or so. This has been hectic as my partner and I try to juggle our work, taking our son to kinder which he just started this week and me staying a couple of hours away.
Tenant troubles…
At the same time, of course, we have a tenant who has moved out of one of our rental properties, the house needs some painting and garden work, we have no rental income and then, to top it off, my workplace has issued some pretty serious changes and suddenly my well paid, very flexible job is looking very shaky.
Job troubles…
It’s the last one that has really impacted me over this week – up until then I was just ‘riding out’ this hectic time but with the thought of me perhaps being put off from my job, it has become apparent just what a ‘house of cards’ we have built around us. You see, we currently live in ‘the country’, our son is enrolled at a local private school and we have a reasonably large mortgage on, not just one, but two homes of our own including our wonderful beach house, which I just love. All of this is only possible because I have a job that is flexible, well paid and based at home.
This time has caused us to start talking about what we would need to do if I lost my job. We’d need to move house, we’d need to move my son’s school and sadly , we’d need to sell our home to move back to the city – as this is my best chance for finding another job that will pay the sort of money we are used to. Worst of all, we’ d have to sell our wonderful beach house which is, to me, the best place in the world and the place where I feel most relaxed (and generally, I don’t do relaxation).
Currently, I just not sure what will happen at work. Our Queensland move that we were so excited about is also uncertain as the new owners of our company review everyone and everything. The senior management are definitely feeling the pinch and the negativity is filtering through to the rest of the team.
4 days later……
Emergency Room…
Well I hadn’t even had a chance to post this up when things got even more hectic…we went down to our holiday house on the weekend and my partner got quite sick. We ended up spending a day at the hospital and then came home. My partner is 32 weeks pregnant, so to have severe abdominal pain and vomitting wasn’t a great thing.
We went home and then just a day later she had severe pain and vomitting again and has just now been admitted to hospital. I’m sitting here next to her wondering just what will happen and hoping all will be ok. Two of the three people I care about most in the world are in hospital and the third is just years old and being looked after by a friend whilst I’m here at the hospital. I worried about work and taking time off as I took a day off last week to care for my mother and it was generally received quite poorly by management.
My priorities are clear, however, my family are and will always be number 1.
2 days later…
Getting angry…
Got a call out of the blue today from the hospital that my mum is at. They had decided to send her home tomorrow morning (telling me at 4pm today). Of course, I have a sick partner in hospital, a 3 year old son to look after, a job that is looking shaky and they want me to drop everything, take another day off work and come pick up my mum – with only 1 hour of business time left to explain that to my already annoyed manager at work.
I told them that we had arranged to come pick her up the day after and this was the first I’d heard of her going home tomorrow and that I couldn’t be there to assist her. So what do they do – they arrange someone else to drive her home – and just leave her there. No assistance getting setup, no one to go get her some groceries, no one to make sure her equipment is setup and her house is ok for her to hobble around in with her crutches or walking frame.
I was livid. I can’t even tell you how angry this made me and I rang and told them so. I really gave it to them and in the end they backed off and said she could stay till the following day, but in doing this they also made my mum feel terrible and I rang her on the phone and she was crying. It was so horrible and I just cannot believe that what is supposed to be a Rehab ward would send an elderly woman who lives by herself home with no support. I was so angry when I got off the phone to them that I literally went into my garage, yelled out loud and hit my punching bag about 10 times in a row, just trying to release the anger I felt. Anger at their ridiculously thoughtless actions, but most of all anger that they made my mum, who was feeling positive up until then and who is a strong women, cry.
It just brings tears to my eyes. I wanted to drop everything and drive over and pick her up right then and there, but due to all of the other circumstances, including my partner just being discharged from hospital herself, I couldn’t and it hurt to have to leave her alone over there.
Perspective…
I felt so upset that I called mum again about 10 minutes later to see if she was alright. She answered the phone and said ‘Uncle Eddie died’. He’d had a heart attack that morning and had died in his home.
My uncle lives nearby to my mum and mum visits he and my aunty every couple of days. He’d just been in to visit mum a few days before and I’d just been over to visit him a week or so ago. I just can’t believe it still. He’d been telling me about how he walks 7km a day and how he cooks a mean stir fry. He’d invited me around for dinner, though I hadn’t gone. I feel bad about that now.
It’s just so strange that someone is there one minute and just gone the next.
I think both mum and I forgot about all of the ridiculous goings on of the hospital just a few minutes earlier as we were just in disbelief. We still are.
Once again I felt the pain of not being about to drop everything and just go to my mum. When she needs me. I wish I could just go give her a big hug.
So what now….
As you can well imagine, I’ve got a lot going on right now. Forgive me if I don’t post here regularly for a bit. I just need to take care of my family for a while.
The people you love are your biggest priority.
I don’t ever want to lose sight of that. It’s called perspective.